Sharing the journey as a family

When you foster, your whole family fosters. So, when Alice began seriously considering fostering, she knew she had to run the decision by her daughter, Alice said: “My daughter was really pro-fostering. She spent a lot of time with children my friend was fostering, helping look after them. I remember sitting down one day and saying, ‘How would you feel if we did something like that?’ And she was like, ‘I really want to!’”
“I think she was just dying to be some sort of big sister in whatever kind of capacity that looked like – whether it was biological or not. I think she just wanted to have someone she could help look after. So yeah, she was very proactive about wanting to do it.”

Fostering has positively impact Alice’s daughter, who has embraced her role as big sister to the young boy they’re fostering, Alice said: “They have such a good relationship. So it’s very much like a brother, sister dynamic. He goes to her for Cuddles and as soon as he sees her, his face lights up and she runs over to him and they play.”

“She absolutely adores him, she really does. She tells everybody about him, she even said to me this morning that when she tells people about him she says, ‘I don’t say Foster brother anymore. He’ll forever be my little brother, whether he’s with us or not.’ Which I think is lovely. That means she’d fully accepted him.”  “I think it has definitely taught her about patience and realising that other people need me as much as she might need me. She’s one of the most empathetic people.”

Choosing FCA

Once Alice decided to foster, she researched the application process, considering whether to apply with the local authority or an independent fostering agency, she said: “I ended up doing a deep dive on the web. I remember putting in things about fostering, fostering applications and trying to decide whether to go via the local council or a private company. I wanted to make sure that if I was going to do this, I was going do it right and have the support in order to do it right.  I was drawn to FCA’s website, and then from there, I sent a message on the website and started the ball rolling pretty much straight away.”

Alice wanted to join a fostering agency that truly supports foster parents on their journey, and FCA has not let her down, she explained: “Support has been amazing. My supervising social worker is so lovely – the job wouldn’t be half as easy if I didn’t have someone like her in my corner.”

“One major thing for me is that my daughter has got to feel comfortable because it’s not just about me, and lots of people visit my house for different reasons. When the social worker comes, she makes a fuss of my daughter. She always wants to speak to her and see how she is.”

“I go to a monthly support group with other local people who foster in my area. I attend courses, and we have attended days out with our little boy. We’ve gone to a farm and things like that. So you can meet other children. I just feel like, support-wise, I can’t criticise in any way.”

Treasured moments

The special moments in fostering often come from helping a child overcome their fears and persevering until they feel safe and confident enough to do something that once scared them. Alice shared one of her favourite moments: “One of the best moments of fostering would be the little boy that I have. He’s nonverbal, and he really didn’t like the bath. I don’t think he was used to being cleaned or anything like that. He used to screech and screech and screech. It took six weeks of me standing next to the bath with him, trying to tempt him to even sit in it.”

“I tried everything – you name it. I even started doing squats. We’d sit down next to the bath, and we’d all be there doing squats and things like that. I remember one day thinking, ‘We’re going to master this today’. And I don’t know why – I just felt it. I decided to make it fun and said, ‘Go on, you can do it!’ He thought it was funny, and then he did it.”

“He sat in the bath, and he played for over an hour. He didn’t just sit there terrified – he played. I cried, my mum cried, and my daughter cried. We all cheered. It was such a big moment for him. Now, it’s his favourite time of the day. As soon as he comes in from school, the first thing he wants to do is go in the bath.”

Alice’s advice

If you’re thinking about fostering, Alice shared some advice for prospective foster parents, she said:

“Do a bit of a deep dive into it. If you know anybody who fosters, ask questions. It’s important to understand how you’ll deal with something because it won’t be all sunshine and rainbows.”

“Make a list of what you’re willing to accept because there will be tough times. What can you manage? What would you be OK with? Would you want to start toilet training again? Or would you prefer an older child without that side of it?”

“It’s about being honest with yourself, making a list of things, and just gathering as much information as you physically can to make an informed decision on what works for you.”

Could you foster?

If you’d like more information about becoming a foster parent with FCA or the support we offer single foster parents, we’d love to hear from you. Enquire with us today to learn more, or read more stories from real-life foster parents about their experiences.