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Wishing you all a joyful festive season filled with love, laughter and cherished moments. Thank you for your continued support and being part of our journey this year. Here’s to a wonderful Christmas and an even brighter New Year!
Regardless of the type of fostering you provide, you’ll likely celebrate Christmas with a foster child at some point in your fostering journey. You may already have a few ideas up your sleeve, but if you need a little extra guidance, here are our tips to help you prepare for Christmas.
Christmas is firmly on the horizon, and you may be visualising beautiful decorations, freshly baked gingerbread men and stockings full of presents. But, when preparing for the first Christmas with your foster child, whose images of Christmas could be very different, there are many things to consider. But we’re here to help you prepare so you’re ready for any challenges that may arise during this magical season.
Christmas, although a joyous time of year for many children, can be incredibly challenging for foster children. If they’ve only recently moved into care, this could be their first Christmas without their family. Christmas could also trigger distressing memories for foster children who’ve experienced difficult family dynamics, abuse and neglect. They also have to navigate the depictions of happy families in Christmas films and questions at school about their Christmas plans.
So, when you’re preparing for Christmas, it’s essential to recognise the impact Christmas could have on your foster child’s well-being. Their emotions may be heightened, and their behaviour could change, so they’ll need your help to guide them through the festive season.
At FCA, our therapists are on hand to support you in understanding the link between your foster child’s behaviour and their past experiences. This will enable you to respond in a therapeutic way throughout the festive period and beyond so they can heal from their trauma.
Make getting prepared for Christmas a family affair. Including your foster child in the planning will show them that you value their input and want them to feel part of the family. It could also help ease anxiety about what will happen on Christmas day and during the lead-up because they’ll know what to expect. Details you could discuss with your foster child include:
Taking breaks from your usual routine can be refreshing; however, for children in care, a consistent routine can provide stability and a sense of safety. While it might be tempting to disrupt this routine for a couple of weeks, doing so could disorient your foster child and further heighten their emotions.
So, during the Christmas holidays, stick to a familiar routine; for example, continue to have meals at the same time every day and adhere to their usual bedtimes. You could also include activities that are good for your foster child’s well-being, such as nature walks and quiet times where they can read or write their thoughts down in a journal.
If you want to organise lots of festive fun, that’s brilliant, but Christmas can be particularly emotive for your foster child, and even if they say they’re okay with your plans now, they may change their mind later.
It’s important to manage your expectations and be prepared for sudden changes to your plans. When discussing Christmas activities with your foster child, reassure them that it’s okay for them to change their mind. This could help alleviate any worries they may have about disappointing you.
Remember, there is nothing wrong with having a quiet, calm and cosy Christmas. In fact, it could be the perfect opportunity to build a closer bond with your foster child. The main thing is that they feel loved, nurtured, and safe.
If your foster child has contact arrangements with their family, they may see them over Christmas and want to take some gifts or cards. So, consider going Christmas shopping together or spending an afternoon making festive cards.
After your foster child sees their family, they may need some quiet time to reflect as the reality of not being with them on Christmas Day sinks in. If family time doesn’t go to plan, listen to their experience without judgment while offering comfort and support.
It can be easy to get carried away when Christmas shopping, especially if you keep finding things you think your foster child would appreciate. However, receiving too many gifts on Christmas day could be overwhelming, and your foster child may not know how to respond. To avoid going overboard, ask your foster child to write a Christmas wish list and focus on purchasing a small number of meaningful presents instead. If you’re struggling with Christmas gift ideas, talk to other foster parents in our community.
Gifts are only a small part of the Christmas experience, and it won’t be long until your foster child outgrows toys, games and clothes. So rather than putting too much pressure on yourself to find the perfect gifts, concentrate on enjoying each other’s company and creating positive memories.
When you’re busy making Christmas plans, it can be easy to overlook your own well-being, and you could end up experiencing burnout. Make an effort to allocate time for yourself, even if it’s just having a nice hot bath every evening or going for a walk on your own. These small things can give you the headspace to organise your thoughts and feel ready to take on the next challenge.
Don’t forget to tap into our support for foster parents. Whether you need guidance, advice, or just a listening ear, your dedicated social worker and our 24/7 helpline are only a phone call away. At FCA, we also host activities throughout the year, so contact your local centre to see what they’ve got planned for Christmas and share your experiences with other foster families.
If you don’t already foster and are considering fostering a child or have experience and want to switch to an agency committed to making a real difference in the lives of children, contact us today. At FCA, we provide you with the support, training, and resources you need to give children a happy childhood. Together, we can help children in care build positive memories, including Christmases full of love, laughter and joy.
Christmas is such a special time of year, catching-up with loved ones, sharing home comforts, food and time together. But for children in foster care, the festive season can bring unique challenges as they navigate new surroundings and traditions with their foster families.
At FCA, we’re in awe of the foster parents who open their hearts and homes to these children, especially during such a meaningful time of year. This Christmas, we want to celebrate the incredible effort and love that foster families put into making the holidays special for children and young people in their care.
Hear from our foster parents about how they are making Christmas special in their foster family…
FCA foster parent Vanessa, who’s been fostering for 10 years, shares how she’s created the special Christmas magic for the foster children in her care.
“We all think of Christmas as being exciting, but for some foster children, they haven’t had that happy, exciting build-up so it can be very alien to them.”
“We try and get the children to help decorate so they feel included. Christmas seems to grow each year in our house, it’s not just the foster children that we have now, it’s our previous foster children too!”
“Last Christmas we had 15 people round the table, next Christmas I’m going to have to plan for a bigger table, and possibly a bigger oven!”
“Hearing the children laugh, that’s the magic.”
FCA foster parent Alison, who’s been fostering for 7 years, shares her memorable fostering moments at Christmas.
“The most memorable Christmas moment was segwaying on Christmas morning with my foster daughter up and down our street!”
“FCA celebrate all festivals, they make sure every child is included, whatever time of the year it is.”
“I have many highlights at Christmas, I love that time of year. We have three children aged, 7, 4 and 2, and they were amazed on Christmas morning at all the presents – we had lots of presents all set out for them, they were so appreciative. They loved everything about Christmas, especially Christmas crackers!”
“We also did the Polar Express. they were very shy at first meeting Santa, but soon gained their confidence and were chatting away, they really enjoyed it.”
It’s not just Christmas vulnerable children in care need you. Thousands of children across the UK need a safe and loving foster home all year round.
Make 2025 the year you change a child’s life through fostering.
Living independently comes with responsibilities you may not have needed to think about before. In this guide, we explore the practical skills you’ll need for independent living, providing tips to help you begin building these skills now.
When you think about living independently, you may feel excited, nervous or something in between. Planning ahead by building the practical skills you’ll need to manage a home will help you better adapt to the change and feel less overwhelmed when the time comes.
Whether you love or loathe them, chores are an unavoidable part of living independently. Housework may already be part of your routine, but the best way to prepare for being responsible for all household chores is to practice doing each one.
Talk to your foster parents about rotating the type of chore you do each day and ask them to walk you through chores you’ve not done before, such as laundry. I am sure they’d be delighted if you offered to do all the housework for a week – this will allow you to see exactly what you’ll be responsible for when you become self-reliant.
When you begin living independently, you can create a chore schedule, allocating time each day to a specific task so you don’t have to spend your whole weekend cleaning. For example, you could dust on Mondays, vacuum on Tuesdays and clean the bathroom on Wednesdays. Some apps can help you stay on top of your housework, too.
Along with housework, whether you live in social housing, university accommodation, or privately rent, you’ll also be responsible for some household maintenance tasks, including:
It’s also worthwhile knowing how to switch the electrical fuse box back on in the event of a power cut and how to turn the gas supply off if you smell gas in your home.
You can start building these skills now by helping your foster family with minor repairs in the home. For example, you could use an old appliance to practice changing a fuse and ask them to show you how to turn the electrical fuse box on.
When living independently, you’ll be responsible for keeping yourself safe from hazards in the home. You can prepare for this using a notepad, spreadsheet or downloadable template to create a basic risk assessment of your current home.
Walk around each room in your home and identify any potential hazards you see and the harm they could cause. Then, think about what you can do to prevent an accident or injury from occurring.
For example, if you walk into the bathroom, a potential hazard could be a wet floor after a shower, which could cause someone to slip and hurt themselves. You could prevent an injury by using a non-slip bathmat and ensuring people who use the bathroom mop up any water they splash onto the floor.
The most common hazards in the home include:
Once you leave home, grocery shopping and cooking for yourself will become an everyday task. You can start preparing by practising your culinary skills and cooking for your foster family. Use every opportunity to get involved by helping your foster family choose recipes for meals or offering to go to the supermarket to do the grocery shopping.
If your family don’t already, you could suggest meal planning. Meal planning and prepping will save you time and money when you live independently and can prevent you from making unhealthy food choices after a long day. Check out BBC Food’s budget recipes and meal plans for ideas.
When you begin living independently, it’ll be your responsibility to pay the bills and buy essential items such as food, clothing and toiletries. You may also have long-term goals like buying your own home that can only be achieved if you manage your money well. Check out our budgeting basics blog for hints and tips to get started.
Learning to look after yourself is a skill that will help you throughout life. When you first leave home, it can be easy to pick up unhealthy habits, which can lead to health problems and affect both your work and home life. You can take conscious steps now to look after your health, such as:
Whether you’re leaving home in a few months, a year or longer, preparing in advance for adulthood will make the transition smoother and more enjoyable. So, why not start building your practical skills today?
Are handy handbooks are designed with you in mind, full of helpful information for both you and your foster family.
Are you about to be independent or have you already left? Find support and information here and remember to stay in touch.
We are here for you, have your say on topics you want to read, give us your feedback or contribute to your foster parent’s review.
We offer help and support to birth children and young people whose parents are foster carers.
You have likely already started planning for your future and preparing to live independently. Maybe you’re planning to continue in full time education, travelling, or gaining qualifications on the job whilst working towards your dream career. Whatever your plans are, getting to grips with money will make it easier to reach your goals now and in the future.
Leaving home comes with expenses you’ve not needed to think about before, like paying for rent and other utilities. You may also be planning a holiday with friends or hoping to learn how to drive, things that come at a cost. It may feel like a challenge if you are on a small income or aren’t earning, but learning to budget now will prepare you for independence and help you achieve your dreams.
Budgeting can sometimes sound more complicated than it actually is. The basic idea is to calculate your total income and subtract your essential spending. The amount you have left is your disposable income, money you can add to a savings pot or spend on treats and days out.
The key to a successful budget is categorising your spending into wants and needs alongside setting a savings goal.
As you still live at home, your foster parents will pay for the household bills and essential items. However, if you receive an allowance or work part-time and spend money on non-essential clothing, expensive skin and hair care products, entertainment and more, you’ll need to decide which are essential to you and which are more of a want.
If you want to buy an expensive item or save towards your own car, set yourself a realistic, time-bound savings goal and allocate some of your disposable income to it each month. When the month ends, if you have some money left over, you could pop it into your savings and reach your goal even faster.
It’s easier to stick to a budget if you have it written down and track your spending. So collect your receipts or look at your bank statements and either use a notepad or a budgeting app to record your spending and income. Over time, you’ll be able to see if you are sticking to your budget, understand where you spend your money and adjust your budget if needed.
Here is an example budget that you can use as a guideline to create your own:
Income |
Needs |
||
|---|---|---|---|
| Part-time Job | £300 | Haircare | £20 |
| Allowance | £50 | Skincare | £20 |
| Music streaming | £6 | ||
| Driving Lessons | £100 | ||
| Total Income | £350 | Total Needs | £146 |
Total Income £350 – Total Needs £146 = Disposable Income £204
Once you know your disposable income, you can decide how much you’d like to save and budget for wants. You can change your numbers to see how saving a little more each month will affect your saving goals. Be realistic about how much you can put away; otherwise, you may end up dipping into your savings to pay for your wants.
| Goal | Car |
|---|---|
| Cost | £3,500 |
| Target Date | 3 years |
| Savings per month | £100 |
Disposable Income £204 – Savings £100 = Remaining Income £104
| Goal | Car |
|---|---|
| Clothing | £40 |
| Meals Out | £30 |
| Cinema | £10 |
| Snacks | £10 |
| Total wants | £90 |
Remaining Income £104 – Total Wants £90 = Additional Savings £14
If creating your budget leaves you wondering how you’ll meet your savings goals, here are five ways to make some extra cash.
If you don’t have one already, part-time jobs are the best way to earn extra cash. You can work from age 13, but only in specific roles like delivering newspapers, and there are strict regulations that your employer must abide by to protect your well-being and education.
When you turn 16, regulations are more relaxed, but you can only work for a maximum of 8 hours a day and 40 hours a week until you turn 18. Many employers offer flexible contracts, allowing you to reduce your hours during your exam season. You can also opt for a summer or Christmas temporary role if you’d like a break from work for some of the year.
Most second-hand selling platforms, such as Vinted and eBay, require you to be over 18. But, if you have a wardrobe crammed with clothes you no longer wear or a cupboard full of games you’ve outgrown, it might be worth asking your foster parents to sell them on your behalf. Any money you make can be put towards new clothes or added to your savings.
If you spend your evenings scrolling social media, you could use that time to complete online surveys for cash instead. Companies are always looking for people to participate in market research, and you could earn a few extra hundred pounds per year to add to your savings pot. Just beware of websites that ask you to pay a registration fee; you don’t need to pay to complete surveys.
If you’re an animal lover, you could offer to feed your neighbour’s cat while they’re on holiday or walk their dog after school for a small fee. Pet hotels and sitters are pricey, and owners often prefer leaving their pets with someone they trust, so it could be a great way to earn some extra cash.
If you’re creative and love making jewellery or painting, why not start a side hustle and sell your work at local markets and online? Etsy is forever growing as people hunt for one-off handmade items, and markets are a great place to showcase your talents. As with selling second-hand items, you must be 18 to open an Etsy account, so ask your foster parents to advertise your products for you. If your side hustle is successful, it could one day become a full-time career.
Now you know the budgeting basics, why not spend time creating savings goals and working out a budget?
Are handy handbooks are designed with you in mind, full of helpful information for both you and your foster family.
Are you about to be independent or have you already left? Find support and information here and remember to stay in touch.
We are here for you, have your say on topics you want to read, give us your feedback or contribute to your foster parent’s review.
We offer help and support to birth children and young people whose parents are foster carers.
Creating a safe and supportive environment for a foster child at Christmas can be a challenge if they have experienced difficult family dynamics.
Difficult family dynamics at Christmas can be harder than other times of the year, as your foster child might not have experienced a loving and safe festive season due to previous trauma, neglect, or loss.
In this article, we’ll look at foster care family dynamics at Christmas, whether you’re fostering sibling groups or a single child, and provide you with some helpful strategies that you can use to help make Christmas special and enjoyable for everyone.
When you welcome a foster child into your home, it’s quite normal for them to change your family dynamics. While the changes can be truly positive, each foster child may bring challenges to your family dynamics. This can be especially true if you have birth children of your own. Sometimes, your children may find it tricky sharing their belongings, their space, or even you. Additionally, they might find it hard and upsetting when their foster sibling has to leave.
Even when you prepare your immediate and extended family for your foster child’s arrival, it’s natural that sibling rivalry will always exist, whether it’s a biological or foster families. Everyone in the family needs to feel like they belong, they matter, and that they are significant.
There is also the matter of dealing with your foster child’s birth family. At Christmas especially, they might be missing their family more than ever. Setting boundaries with birth families at Christmas is important, as you always need to do what is in the best interests of your foster child. Your team at FCA can help with this, to ensure that you feel supported and your foster child is able to keep in touch with their loved ones if possible.
If your foster child has come from a traumatic background, it’s likely that they might feel unsure and anxious in their new home. But you can help create positive memories for children in foster care by being empathetic, understanding, and compassionate to their needs and feelings.
Difficult family dynamics can manifest in various ways, including strained relationships, communication barriers, and unresolved conflicts. Foster children may come from backgrounds of neglect, abuse, or instability, which can contribute to complex family dynamics, and these challenges may intensify during Christmas.
So, why are difficult family dynamics at Christmas especially challenging for foster children?
Christmas is a time of joy, warmth, and family gatherings. However, for foster carers, navigating Christmas with children who have experienced trauma can present unique challenges. Christmas brings with it heightened expectations and a mix of emotions for all children, but especially for children in care. They may be dealing with feelings of loss, grief, anxiety, and an uncertainty about their future.
As a foster carer, it’s important to approach the festive season with sensitivity, empathy, and an understanding of the challenges your foster child might be dealing with.
FCA foster carer Nina shares her experience of a foster carer Christmas, and how she went about supporting her foster child through difficult family dynamics at Christmas.
“My birth child who is 15 years old has been very much involved in the fostering process. This Christmas, he has taken on the role as big brother. When I started this process, I knew it was exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to get out of my old job and start something that made a difference to a young person’s life.”
While Nina’s current foster child was only meant to be with them temporarily, he ended up staying with them long term, and the whole family couldn’t be happier. “We are very much a team in our family. It is not just me that does everything, we all work together. Even my own birth child who is 15 years old has been very much involved. This Christmas, he has taken on the role as big brother and has been doing ‘Elf on the Shelf’ which is lovely to see.”
As for changing the family dynamics, Nina says that her birth child and foster child’s relationship has blossomed into a typical sibling relationship. “They bicker, and they make up. I think this fostering experience has taught my birth son a lot because he now realises how privileged he is. From holidays abroad every year, always getting what he wanted at Christmas and to then welcome a child into his home that had nothing. I think it was a good learning experience for him that not every child is just as privileged.”
One of the things Nina loves the most about fostering, especially at Christmas, is being able to make a positive difference and create happy memories that they can all cherish forever. From using her fostering allowance to help buy gifts and pay for special festive outings, to seeing the relationship between the siblings grow and flourish.
Creating a safe and supportive environment for your foster child by encouraging them to talk about their family dynamics can help create a secure space for them. Gently ask them to talk with you, if they want to, about their Christmas experiences at home and if there is anything they might be worried or anxious about spending Christmas away from them. Encourage them to express their feelings, thoughts, and concerns about the destive season, and be patient and empathetic. By allowing them to share their experiences, you can help them process any emotions that may arise.
Whether it’s decorating the tree together, going present shopping for their birth family, or bringing something new into your traditional Christmas dinner, establishing new, positive traditions that focus on connection and joy can help your foster child deal with difficult family dynamics. Involve them in the decision-making process to help shift the focus from challenging dynamics to new positive memories. Consider appropriate gift ideas for foster children to help them feel loved and included in your family.
Stability is important for every child, and with the festive chaos that Christmas can bring, it’s even more vital to a foster child who might be feeling uneasy. Try and maintain a sense of stability by sticking with your regular routine, especially if it is what your child is used to. Consistency can offer a sense of security and help your foster child navigate the Christmas festivities with predictability.
When it comes to Christmas, it’s easy for expectations to be high. You want to have the perfect Christmas, good behaviour, create precious memories, but it’s important to set realistic expectations. Understand that not every moment will be perfect and that your plans might go out the window. That’s OK. Instead, try and focus on creating an understanding and supportive environment rather than living up to the perfect Hallmark holiday.
Dealing with difficult family dynamics at Christmas as a foster carer requires a balance of empathy, communication, and planning. By understanding the challenges your foster child may be facing, and implementing thoughtful strategies, you can create a safe, stable, and nurturing environment that will make your foster child feel loved and supported.
But remember, you never have to go through this journey alone. Reach out to your support network for help and advice, and speak to us whenever you need to. We can help 24/7 as you navigate this journey and provide guidance and resources if you are struggling with difficult family dynamics at Christmas, or any time of the year.
Fostering over Christmas can make a world of difference to children in care and foster carers alike. But while for many people Christmas is a magical time of year, it can be very stressful and difficult for children and young people in care.
For some children, it could be their first Christmas away from their birth families, while for others, they might have experienced trauma, neglect, and abuse and might not have ever had a happy Christmas.
We look at why Christmas can be a challenging time for children in care, and how you can help create precious Christmas memories for foster children that they (and you) can cherish for years to come.
For some children in care, in particular those who may have experienced a trauma or a difficult upbringing, Christmas with their foster family can be a challenging or triggering time. Often seasonal holidays mean children and young people reflect on memories or past experiences and that can bring about mixed emotions. They might be missing their birth family, feeling out of place, or feel anxious about what the future might hold for them.
While you want your child to have the best day filled with joy and laughter, the reality can sometimes be a little different. Being empathetic to your foster child’s needs and embracing the happiness of Christmas can be a challenging balancing act.
Take the time to listen and understand how your foster child has experienced Christmas in the past and do your best not to make them feel pressured to join in with everything. They might be feeling overwhelmed being in a new environment over the festive season, so always be mindful of their needs and feelings.
It was early on in Caroline’s fostering career that she welcomed her first foster child over Christmas. Although her foster child was 17 and she was feeling uncertain about how she could support him, she and her two birth children welcomed him with open arms. She learnt that he had never had a proper Christmas, never had a Christmas dinner, and he had never had a Christmas tree or gifts. “When we gave him gifts in the morning, he cried”, Caroline recalls.
That first Christmas that Caroline and her family spent with a foster child made a lasting impression on her and her children, and they were all in agreement that it was the best Christmas they have ever had.
They spent their day playing board games, eating Christmas dinner and just spending time together as a family. Caroline said: “That young man, who was my second ever foster placement defied all expectations, and changed my Christmases forever. Spending time with him for those two weeks, and especially Christmas Day, made my family and I realise what was important, it was a big reality check.”
“That first Christmas honestly changed my life forever. I’ve gained a son, and there’s not a Christmas that goes by where I don’t hear from him and his family. It changed my family and I so much. We talk about it every year and imagine him now with his children and think about the impact that Christmas had on him and us”, Caroline shared.
Christmas can be a difficult time for children in care, but whether you’re fostering one child or fostering sibling groups, there are plenty of ways you can create positive Christmas memories for your foster children.
Although each child and situation are unique, let’s look at some ways you and your extended family and friends can support children in care over the Christmas period.
If you’re looking for thoughtful gift ideas for foster children to bring a smile to your foster child’s face, then you need to consider their wants and needs as well as your budget. To help with this, you can use your fostering allowance to help budget for Christmas gifts for your foster child.
If you haven’t had time to get to know your foster child before the big day, speak to your support team at your fostering agency. They can help fill you in on what your foster child likes. Consider their age and how long they will be spending with you.
Personalised gifts are a lovely way of showing them that you are thinking of them. They are gifts that truly belong to them, and there are lots of affordable personalised gifts available from books and socks to water bottles and bags. Whenever they use their gift, they can think of you and remember the wonderful Christmas you gave them.
If you have your foster child with you in the lead up to Christmas, then nothing can create positive Christmas memories for foster children more than getting them involved in the Christmas planning.
Although family dynamics at Christmas can be tricky, especially if you are used to your own traditions, use this time to create new Christmas traditions for foster families or include your foster child in your traditions. Whether it’s choosing the tree together, writing Christmas cards to their birth family, getting stuck into some Elf on the Shelf antics, or watching your favourite festive films, involving them in the Christmas preparations is a lovely way to help them feel included.
Speak to your foster child in advance to let them know about the preparations so they don’t feel overwhelmed, and ask them if there is anything special they would like to do together to get ready for the big day.
Creating positive Christmas memories for your foster child can be as simple as providing them with a sense of stability, security, and love. And there is nothing that does this better than spending some quality time together.
Over the festive season, it’s easy to get swept away with being busy and the hustle and bustle of Christmas shopping, school plays, parties, and festive day trips. While all this is lovely, it can be overwhelming. You don’t have to try so hard to fill your child with the Christmas spirit. Simply spending time together by watching films, cooking, reading stories, and chatting can be all they need to feel loved and wanted.
Not everyone’s Christmas looks the same. Your foster child might be used to a very different Christmas than yours, so tailoring the Christmas celebrations to your foster child’s interests can be key in creating positive memories.
Speak to your foster child about their previous experiences over Christmas. Is there anything that their family used to do? A certain food they always had for Christmas dinner? A place they visited every year? If so, see if you can include some of their traditions in your family Christmas to help show them that they are in a safe, supportive, and caring environment.
It’s important to remember that every child is different and what works for one child may not work for another. It’s often the smallest gestures from you and your family that can really make a huge difference to a child at this poignant time of year. At Christmas, providing your foster child with a sense of stability, security, and love is often the best way for helping foster children create positive Christmas memories.
If you want to help create special foster care memories, consider your foster child’s needs and interests and get a little creative. Whether you have your own Christmas traditions or you want to create some new ones to help your foster child feel included and valued, the festive world is your oyster.
For more information on becoming a foster carer with FCA, and to find out more about the training and support, call 0800 023 4561.
The air was filled with joy and excitement as Christmas officially arrived at FCA Midlands. Over 190 children, young people, foster parents and staff came together for an unforgettable experience at Tamworth Snowdome on Saturday 25th November.
Amidst twinkling lights and the aura of festivity, it was heart warming to witness the sheer delight on the faces of the attendees. Children and adults alike were mesmerized by the magic of the event, a testament to the power of creating special moments during this festive season.
The event was more than just a gathering; it was an opportunity to create lasting memories. FCA Midlands brought the spirit of Christmas alive. Laughter echoed through the Snowdome as families bonded over the enchanting setting, fostering an atmosphere of togetherness.
For many, events like these signify the essence of community, creating moments that will be cherished for years to come.
To enquire about becoming a foster parent with FCA Midlands or if you would like more information you can contact the team here or call 0800 023 4561.
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If there is one thing that can be said about kids of all ages and no matter where they live, summer is the most anticipated season of the year. Whilst Christmas is nice with all the lights, parties and gifts under the tree, it’s there and gone before you know it. Summertime, on the other hand, is about six weeks long with so much time to fill.
Even though kids look forward to summer break, it gets old quickly if there is little to do. Actually, there is plenty to do even if you are on a rather tight budget. It just takes a little creativity and before you know it those days will be filled with some of the most interesting activities. You don’t need to spend a lot to have fun, so check out the following eight ideas. You’re sure to find several your kids will enjoy.
What kid doesn’t love to go camping? Unfortunately, many of the best campsites charge by the night. Depending on the amenities, it could cost several pounds per night and some even charge per person. If your budget is slim, have you considered backyard camping? In fact, some kids actually enjoy that more because they can invite friends over to camp with them. As an added bonus, turn on the sprinkler and let them run through the water to cool themselves off as the days get hot in the afternoons.
If you have kids who fuss at eating their vegetables, planting a garden is ideal for getting them to try those dreaded green veggies. Why do kids hate vegetables, or at least say they do? Could it be the colour green? Is there some hidden psychological trigger that gets set off at the mere mention of green vegetables? We may never know but the one thing we do know is that our biological kids and any foster kids who have been part of the family all claim to hate green. Maybe it’s contagious? If they grow salad greens, which are easy to care for by the way, and other green veggies like green beans, chances are good to great that you will get them happily eating the food they grew themselves. Somehow the colour green is no longer an issue!
Building birdhouses and feeders is not as difficult as it sounds. The adults can cut the pieces of wood to size and drill any holes for the perches. The kids can assemble them, paint them and hang them. Do you have hummingbirds where you live? Hummingbird feeders from recycled plastic soda bottles are fun to build and easy to fill and hang. Hummingbirds ‘drink’ nectar that is usually bright red, so it is easy to see when it starts getting low. Kids love to feed animals and birds are no exception to the rule.
Actually, different species of birds eat different foods, so bird watching with an inexpensive pair of binoculars goes hand in hand with those bird houses you are building and the feeders you are hanging. You can either borrow a book on bird species from the library or research them online. Once your kids identify birds native to your area, they will spend hours each week watching them as they make their way to the feeders you’ve set up around the lawn and garden.
Sleepovers are always fun and especially so if you have new family members or visiting cousins that your kids want to introduce to their friends. This is a great way to introduce new foster brothers and sisters to neighbourhood kids and an even better way to get everyone to have a good time. Maybe you could play a movie on that big flatscreen TV while serving snacks that the kids made themselves. How much fun is that? They can have friends over for the night whilst showing off their newfound culinary skills.
Remember those snacks mentioned above? This is where they learn to make them! Have a weekly lesson taking turns between cooking and baking so that they can make the snacks for their weekly get-togethers. Anything from brownies to little finger sandwiches work well, but if you want to get creative, frosted sugar cookies are fun to make and even more fun to eat!
Believe it or not, tie dye t-shirts did not go out with the 60s. In fact, they are as trendy as ever and kids absolutely love making them. You might want to set them up on the back patio or on the lawn because these are permanent dyes they are working with and you aren’t quite ready for tie dyed sofas or carpets. They can do hats, socks, t-shirts and even bandanas. Choose a different tie dye project each week and by the time they are ready to go back to school, they can wear something they created and have so much fun showing it off to classmates.
In recent years, rockscapes are one of the most popular types of garden décor. They are fun to make and they can be changed up often as long as you don’t set your rocks and pebbles in concrete. Some kids like to build little castles and others like to paint rocks like mushrooms or garden gnomes. Whilst a kid’s rockscape wouldn’t likely be quite as polished as a professional rockscaping décor, they still can provide a bit of colour to an otherwise ordinary yard or garden.
There are really so many things you can do on a budget, and these are just a few ideas that we know kids love. Actually, you’ll probably have just as much fun as the kids, and maybe even more, knowing that your summer activities didn’t break the bank. Are you ready for summer yet? Maybe it’s time to start thinking about which of these activities you’d like to start with so you can begin ordering the supplies you need.
Having fostered for a number of years prior to joining FCA Linda 71 and Derek 70, show no signs of slowing down now nor in the future and remain as committed and dedicated to providing positive outcomes for children as the day they first started.
This year they celebrate an astonishing 25 years fostering with FCA. Here they look back over their momentous fostering journey.
It was coming up to Christmas in 1984 that Linda first thought about fostering and how she and Derek would like to give a child a magical Christmas to remember. In August 1986 they became approved foster parents and after 12 years fostering elsewhere they decided to make the move to join FCA and the rest is history.
Linda and Derek have fostered siblings and had long term placements. Their first sibling group when they joined FCA was three girls who at the time were two, four and six years old. They lived with Linda and Derek for two years. Whilst their upbringing was difficult, it was recommended the siblings be separated due to complex needs and to benefit their wellbeing. Linda recalls milestone moments about the youngest sibling where she went from being withdrawn and disengaged to being able to talk, read, became toilet trained and happily giggling enjoying a party she attended. Ultimately she went on to be adopted when she was five years old and Linda remembers the final night “she was so scared she followed me upstairs that final night and I gave her a teddy bear to remember us by but also to help comfort and give her reassurance. I spent the whole night with her. The middle sibling also went on to be adopted at seven and the eldest sibling went into long term foster care. Whilst it was difficult to say goodbye to all the children we knew it was the best outcome for them all”.
Linda said “we loved the early years with FCA it was amazing, they were the only agency we knew about at the time. Social workers and therapists got to know the children too and were really involved. I like fostering to challenge me and to teach me something new, whether that be children with complex behaviours, additional needs or autism but we learn from them too”.
Linda goes on to tell us “for us it has also been about giving children new experiences and memories their first time on an aeroplane, first time in the sea, first time seeing Santa, their first proper Christmas and we love celebrating Christmas, we really go to town”.
“We also had two 16-year-olds placed with us, one had special needs the other autism the boys had a good rapport with each other and it worked well. We are still in touch years later with one of the boys, who is now a young man and is 20 years old, he his own child who we are grandparents to. He and his son have taken our last name. We speak two–three times a week and see each other often he is very much a part of the family”.
The ex-foster son told us “Linda and Derek are life changing. I am a completely different person today because of them they made me who I am today and they are incredibly special to me”.
Of course so much has changed over the past 25 years Linda says “there were no social media or internet safety issues when we first started fostering. It has been really important for us to keep up to date with everything and the training provided has been a huge factor in helping make that happen. It keeps us current and some of the subject areas are very interesting such as substance misuse. I really enjoy the training and one year I did 26 online courses. We have always attended the training and support groups provided by FCA the more you know the more experience you have. Our social worker is also fantastic she is caring, supportive, keeps in touch she knows me and is wonderful”.
To conclude Linda said “I thoroughly enjoy fostering I just can’t imagine doing anything else. I know this job inside out and I love it! We see the positive in all children who come to us, we give every child a fresh start and we tell them it is up to them what they do with it. All children are welcome just come inside… Our advice to anyone thinking or new to fostering do the training, attend support groups and see things from the child’s perspective”.
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
Christmas is a busy time of the year, full of Christmas school plays, family events and shopping. Some looked-after children can find it hard to get into the Christmas spirit, for many reasons, from missing their birth family to not experiencing a happy Christmas in the past.
We believe that every child should have the right to a magical Christmas and a great way of bringing a touch of sparkle is by giving a gift that means something. A personalised gift can be a great way to show your foster child that you are thinking of them, and to give them something that truly belongs to them. We have searched the internet and come up with our top personalised gifts for children this Christmas.
Personalised children’s books are a fantastic present, not only do they inspire children’s imagination by bringing them into the story but they also allow for family bonding.
Personalised Christmas books with the child’s name within the story can be great for long-term foster placements as you can turn the book into a tradition of reading the book every year they are with you. Or, why not choose a ‘Where’s Are You?’ Book where you can choose to make the character represent your foster child. This is a great opportunity to spend one-on-one time and provides hours of fun.
Giving a storage box with the child’s name on allows the opportunity to be creative. They may wish to turn the box into a memory box to keep all the things that they find most precious in their world in a safe place. On the other hand, they may wish to through all their toys in it, knowing that they have somewhere safe to keep them.
If you have a short-term foster placement then giving them a personalised bag is not only useful but thoughtful too as they may have to travel from place to place. Whether you are looking after younger children or teenagers there are lots of companies out there that can provide personalised bags for different age groups.
If you’re looking for more of that novelty but personal touch, then we think these personalised novelty socks are a great choice! Add the image of yourself or a family member. Great fun for a bit of laughter over the Christmas period.
Times are tough and personalised gifts can be a little pricey, so why not get creative! From a photo album book to a homemade blanket, sometimes the best gifts are the ones we have put a lot of love into them.
Taking the time to make your child or young person something, can show them that you care and have been thinking about them whilst making the gift.
If you are thinking of moving foster agencies or would like to know more about becoming a foster parent, then please get in touch to find out more about FCA.
Our foster parents deserve to be rewarded for their hard work. That’s why we offer generous and competitive fostering allowances and payments.
We are committed to providing high-quality training that is accessible and relevant to all of our foster parents.
When you join us, you’ll be joining our community with access to one of the greatest fostering support packages out there! You really are never on your own because at FCA we really are family.
Fostering is providing a safe and stable family home for a child or young person who can’t live with their birth family. There are many reasons why children need foster care.
Anyone can apply to foster with us. We welcome foster carers from all walks of life; no matter what your gender, age, race or sexual orientation. We do have criteria though:
Applying to become a foster parent involves a number of steps and starts when you contact us.
We’ll have a chat to you talk to one of our friendly fostering advisors by calling 0800 023 4561 or filling in our enquiry form.
We will arrange for one of our fostering advisors to visit you at home to talk to you in more detail and what to expect and how we will support you and find out a bit more about you.
If you decide you’d like to apply to foster with us, we’ll start you application process. The process involves filling in an application form and once accepted we will then undertake your fostering assessment.
Following your application we’ll undertake a fostering assessment. Your assessing social worker will visit you and your family at home a number of times to speak to you and collect information about you and your life. It will help us to understand more about you. In addition you will attend a preparatory training course to help you learn more about fostering and how to handle different situations. The assessment process takes between four to six months.
Once your assessment is finished you will go to a fostering panel who will make their recommendation. The group is made up of people with fostering experience. Your social worker will help you prepare and be there for support. Read our blog about panel to help you understand.
Once approved the real fostering journey starts!
We believe in learning alongside peers and offer joint training sessions for both staff and foster parents to enable the sharing of best practice and experiences.
All of our training is mapped to regulations and national minimum standards and cross-referenced to the Training Support and Development Standards in England and the Induction Framework Outcomes in Wales.
Our training programme consists of:
Introduction to Fostering – All of our foster parents complete pre-approval training during their assessment.
Induction – We have an online induction course which looks at the key areas to equip foster parents with the necessary skills and confidence to take their first child or young person.
Mandatory training – Once approved, there is a comprehensive programme of ongoing training and development available; starting with mandatory courses that all foster parents will receive.
Complementary training – We have a wide range of courses available both online and face to face to develop foster parents offering a greater depth of knowledge, theory and practical application.
Learn more about our training and development for foster parents
Whether you’re ready to start your journey or just want to chat to one of our friendly fostering advisors, get in touch with us today.
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From snowmen falling in love to a clumsy dragon who loves Christmas, the John Lewis Christmas ads are probably the only adverts that we look forward to watching. Using cute animals, animation and special effects has been the approach for several years now, however this year is different. It’s very much real. It’s about children in care.
Working in partnership with Action for Children and Who Cares? Scotland, the advert focuses on an ordinary, middle-aged man who seems to be on a mission to learn how to skateboard. His wife supports him with a smile, despite all the bumps, bruises and broken arms. It’s only at the end of the advert when the doorbell rings that the reason behind his efforts is revealed. There, clutching her skateboard nervously, is the couple’s new foster daughter with her social worker.
It feels right, now more than ever, to raise awareness for the 108,000+ vulnerable children who are in the UK care system. The number is increasing year on year, but sadly the number of foster families isn’t. We need to change this.
Every single child deserves to experience the magic of Christmas in a loving, safe home. In fact, every single child deserves to experience a loving, safe home, full stop. From the security of a stable family to learning how to heal from their past trauma, foster parents can make the biggest difference to a young person’s life. The new advert portrays this perfectly. The dad shows genuine interest in the girl’s hobby and goes out of his way to build a bond and connection. The majority of the children that come into our care haven’t felt loved, wanted or listened to, so the love a foster family shows from the very start goes a long way in helping them feel a sense of belonging.
While fostering is never all sunshine and rainbows, it’s a truly rewarding and, dare we say it, heroic job. Children in care are often met with negative stereotypes, such as bad behaviour, poor education, trouble with the law and a lack of ambition. This can be true for a lot of looked-after children, as their unstable starts to life and traumatic experiences can send them down the wrong paths. But at FCA, our amazing foster parents are helping to #ChangeTheStory, and we’ve seen many care leavers achieve incredible things, such as going to university, becoming a foster carer themselves or completely turning their lives around. That’s why it’s fantastic to see such a huge brand like John Lewis also invest in the lives of looked-after children. Their Building Happier Futures programme is part of the partnership’s plans to become the biggest national employer of people formerly in care, giving care leavers the opportunity to build a successful career.
We really hope the powerful message of this new John Lewis Christmas advert sparks conversations in households, offices and amongst friends. Giving a gift is one thing, but giving a vulnerable child the chance of a better future is everything.
If you’d like to know a bit more about fostering a child and what’s involved, please get in touch. Our friendly fostering advisors will get back to you for an informal chat where they’ll answer any questions you have. As long as you’re 21 or over, have the right to live and work in the UK and have a spare bedroom, you could help transform a child’s life forever.
Don’t fancy a phone call just yet? Download our free Beginner’s Guide to Fostering a Child and discover everything you need to know about becoming a foster parent. Or come along to one of our fostering information events to discover more about the rewarding role of a foster parent.
Download the FCA’s complete beginner’s guide to fostering a child. Find out more on how to foster a child and the process involved.
“For 21 years my mum and I ran a successful wedding dress shop, but as more people began to buy their dresses online and the industry became more intense and competitive we made the decision to sell the business. Having always been involved with running the local Brownies and Rainbows children’s group I enjoyed taking the children on trips and organising local activities. I had done various safeguarding courses and had a current DBS check too, so fostering really felt like the natural next step’.
Joanne and Steve researched online to find the right fostering agency and read the reviews on FCA, they were impressed with positive comments about all the support.
Initially, they began short-term fostering and their first child was a 16-year-old who came on an emergency placement. He was with them for two weeks and Joanne reflects on their journey and explained how it prepared them for fostering as a whole.
Their next placement was three Polish children two girls and one boy aged three, two and one. “The children couldn’t speak English and were originally due to stay with us for seven weeks. Arrangements were made for them to live permanently with their biological Auntie from Poland but due to Covid and restrictions, it took another six months before they could go back to Poland. It meant the children ended up staying with is for a total of 16 months so naturally we were very attached. Through an interpreter, I got to know their Auntie really well and we became good friends. The children are thriving and are now aged seven, five and four years old. We are still in touch weekly, using Facebook translate to catch up and we exchange Christmas cards and birthday presents”.
After the children went back to Poland permanently, Joanne and Steve took six months off from fostering taking some needed time out.
But it was a call from the Out of Hours team one Saturday morning looking for a foster home for two young boys aged one and eight years old who needed an emergency placement and it was then Joanne knew she had to say yes.
Although she didn’t have much information she knew that the boy’s mum was pregnant and in hospital. The boys has nowhere to go and were in the maternity unit. “The Out of Hours Team were really good, they explained the situation and although I didn’t feel pressured to say yes, I knew they needed to know our decision quickly. I had a conversation with my husband as we agreed that it was the right time to start our fostering journey again, it felt right so we said yes. We had toys, a cot, a highchair, clothes for the one-year-old and a single bed for the 10-year-old but that was our first older child. The boys arrived four hours later.”
Not wanting the siblings to be separated Joanne also agreed to foster their newborn baby brother, who came at four days old weighing 4lb 2oz.
Joanne explains the support she has received “FCA and I worked together to ensure we could offer the best for the children, we discussed what that would look like and what I would need such as transport for the 10-year-old to and from school. My mum is also part of my support network and she helps a lot too’.
The children are now one, three and ten and although are awaiting the final court proceeding to decide their future, Joanne tells us despite it being hard work and challenging at times with the different age groups, the day’s trips, holidays, family times and all those special milestone moments have made it so worthwhile and watching the boys flourish is so rewarding.
Joanne’s advice to any foster parent considering out of hours is “do it, make yourself available. Not all children come into foster care between 9-5pm. You don’t have to say yes and there is no pressure. You should consider every referral as you could be missing out on a child that not only really needs you but could also be the best match, which is critically important for their future ensuring they are secure and loved”.
Download the FCA’s complete beginner’s guide to fostering a child. Find out more on how to foster a child and the process involved.
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
“I come from a family of 7 siblings, it was a very busy, noisy house. I recall my childhood being full of fun and fighting” Marlene laughs, continuing: “I was always surrounded by people growing up, and when I got married to my partner and had my daughter, we realised we could look after a bigger family.”
Marlene explains that after an initial struggle with childbirth, she had made the decision that she was not prepared to have another child. She explains: “When my daughter was six, we decided we had enough room and enough love to give to foster. There were lots of adverts on TV at the time around fostering, and that gave me the final push towards doing this”.
She continued: “We wanted our daughter to embrace this and understand that there are many children out there who don’t have a regular loving home and we were going to offer that to a child who needs it. My daughter loved other children, she loved her cousins, and we knew that she would love this!”
Marlene thinks that when you foster children and have children of your own, it’s crucial that you consider the impact that is going to have on them as well as yourself, and that you’re prepared for anything, saying: “There have been highs and lows for her, which is quite normal. We have had a variety of children in this house over the years, including respite and that sometimes brings challenges. We had two teenage siblings and that unfortunately did not work out for us, so we had to do this to see what worked for us as a family”.
Having a strong support system around you can be extremely beneficial when you are a foster parent, and Marlene believes it is her support network that helps her along this journey: “My daughter is now 20, and I am a single carer; my daughter is my main support. She is resilient, she’s young and she’s reliable for the younger people and can speak to them on a different level to me. My sister also supports me massively and my brother too.
“I also have three foster carer friends who I met through support groups through the FCA. We have been friends for ten years and they have helped me massively. You can be honest with them; they might have had a bad day too. They are my best friends, and they understand!”
Ensuring you have a great support network around you can also be helpful when you are going through the more difficult times. Fostering does not come without its challenges, as Marlene explains: “Trauma is always harder. It took me a very long time to get my head around several different aspects of fostering, and now our ethos is that sometimes we need to sit and comfort the child and ‘sit with the sadness’ for a while.
“Sometimes these children need to be sad and process these things.
“Sometimes the child is not in a place where they can go out for an ice-cream and forget about things, they are sad and need to process what has happened.
“It’s not all about making them happy and giving them nice things, it’s about being a comforting presence and being kind. Sometimes they just need to know you are there”.
Marlene has taken care of 12 respite placements over the 14 years. She reveals: “Respite for me has been lovely. It’s like being a fun auntie! It is a lot more relaxed, and I did find that easier at first. I also found it great training, as you usually take on a variety of children over a short period of time.
“I am currently looking after a child with ADHD, and if I had not had respite experience with this, I would have been really worried about how to properly handle and take care of him and his needs.”
She continues; “This young person has been with me for eight years now and he is such a great help! He loves to help with the housework, he does the recycling, he loves the gym and lots of other activities, and by using his strengths and skills, we turned this around to fit in with his life, rather than forcing anything. We’re an active family and he loves that, he is brilliant!”
Fostering has made a positive impact on Marlene and her family’s life, she said: “I go to bed every night and yes, I am usually tired, but there I reflect upon the day and the fact that that child has benefitted massively by my family and the care we provide. You know you have done all that you can do to make life a little easier and brighter for them. It has made my daughter more of a balanced and empathetic person which is beautiful to see”.
Marlene explains: “The difference you can make to a child’s life is incredible. I once had a sibling group who rarely attended school, and there was an eight-year-old who could not read or write or spell his own name. Education is a big thing for me, it’s important and everyone is entitled to basic skills. Within 6 months of support from myself and the school, the boy could read and write and was getting ten out of ten in his spellings.”
Marlene spent many years supporting a child who was autistic. She explains: “The young person came to me when he was twelve years old. He struggled so much that he liked to keep his school uniform on 7 days a week and that was very hard for us. At that stage, we did not know that he had autism, and we obviously did not have an extensive understanding of this.”
Marlene continued: “The label itself of ‘autism’ – frightened me because I had little understanding of it. I couldn’t make sense of the things he did and things he said. My supervising social worker supported me a lot and I went to a meeting about childhood and puberty training for children with ASD. At this training, I met a group of mums whose children had ASD, and they had a group in my local area and invited me to it which opened up a lot of doors for me to learn from and work alongside these parents who were going through the same struggles as me”
She explained: “He struggled making friends, had little confidence, and had struggles with foods, which we supported him with throughout the time he was with us. Now, that young person studies at Queen’s University in Belfast and is in his second year.
“He sat on the panel for the children’s commissioner for one year and was able to share some of his experience and what life was like in care, as well as autism and things that helped him. I have sat in the audience and listened to his presentation with my jaw open and tears in my eyes before, thinking I am so proud of who he has become. He is amazing and so inspirational! He really learnt through time to develop some empathy and even when he was eighteen, he wrote the kindest, most heartfelt letter to his supervising social workers, thanking them”.
Marlene reminisced: “For all the tough days, something like that makes it all worth it in the end”.
For anyone considering fostering, Marlene has the following advice: “All it takes is love, understanding, patience, and to know you are giving children a chance in life. You are helping a young person find their voice. There will be highs and lows, sometimes it feels like you are in a fairground, but there are other times where you feel like you are on a cloud!”
Fostering an autistic child is such an incredible and unique experience. Here at FCA, we work hard to place autistic children with the right foster family who can provide the high levels of care needed by those with special needs.
You don’t need prior experience with autism spectrum disorder to foster a child with ASD, however, there are certain transferable skills we look for to ensure all of our foster parents are able to cope with the ups and downs that fostering brings
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
Though they had no background in childcare, they had always loved having their nieces and nephews over to stay and the advert really caught their eye. Steve explains; “We had always liked the idea and thought ‘let’s give it a go’. We’re so glad we did, as it’s worked out very well for us!”
“We didn’t have our own children who could have, perhaps, been disrupted through this, so we have been able to foster more challenging children and offer them a brighter future. We’ve always been able to give the children in our care all of our attention, which works for us.”
Over the last 15 years, Steve and Eileen have welcomed six long term placements into their home, as well as three children on respite care. Eileen’s sister has been a great support to them as she also fosters children for respite.
When reflecting back upon their first placement, Steve and Eileen said; “We didn’t really choose to specialise in caring for adolescents in distress. Our first placement, after a week of being approved, came from a secure unit, so we were kind of thrown in the deep end.
“I think there was a feeling that he was ‘unfosterable’ and we thought no, nobody is unfosterable – so we took him out of the secure unit and took him in with us.”
“He’d been in foster care since he was a baby and had been institutionalised, but when he left us he said that we gave him the best three years of his life, which was lovely.”
Eileen continues; “He felt safe here. He felt safe for the first time in his life, that’s a quote that we remember well. I’ll never forget when he had been with us for three months and we accompanied him to court. The judge read his report and said “I have known you for a long time and I am so pleased to say that I haven’t seen you here for quite some time. Reading the report it says that you have been fostered.”
“After asking him where his foster parents were, the judge asked us to stand and thanked us, saying kindly ‘I wish there were more people like you. I’ve known him for quite some time and he’s had his problems and it’s lovely to see him happy and doing well.’
“We felt brilliant, embarrassed mind you, but absolutely brilliant.”
Steve added “Seeing the change and seeing them improve. Giving them a feeling of a peaceful life instead of the chaos that they come from is the most rewarding part of fostering vulnerable children.”
However, fostering does not come without its challenges, as Eileen explains, “It’s having that support network around you, like FCA, especially in a time of crisis when you don’t want things to escalate. We are very honest with the children, we don’t lie to them. We try to explain things as best we can.”
“A huge challenge for foster parents and children was the pandemic.” Steve continues; “I think it was hardest for the children, having to stay at home all day especially during the summer. We found home-schooling horrendous. Eileen was working at the trust before her retirement at Christmas, so I took on the teacher role in the family. I felt awful. They don’t do things the way we were taught to do them. I was very aware that I was teaching them the way I was taught and he’d have to relearn it at school!”
Eileen said, “Our foster parent group used to all meet up regularly and we lost that support and feel of a carer community during the pandemic, but we are excited to get back to it now that restrictions are lifted.”
Looking back over their experiences throughout the years, the couple said the skills that were most vital were adaptability and honesty; “If you need that support, be honest. It’s not easy at times but working with those children is so worthwhile.”
When asked about their experience with FCA and whether they felt they were able to receive that support from both the social care and teaching professionals involved, Steve said,
“Over the years, we’ve had great social workers and we never feel abandoned. We always feel that there is someone there to talk to. Right from the beginning, we found it very straightforward. The professionals involved have been excellent and easy to talk to while giving us great in depth support.”
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
First joining FCA back in November 2020, Nina Kelly has spent the last year embarking on a new foster care journey, providing a loving home for children in care.
Sharing what inspired her to become a foster parent, Nina said: “Prior to meeting my current partner, I had already made enquires to becoming a foster parent. It was always there at the back of my mind. Due to circumstances, it never seemed like the right time but after talking it through with my current partner, he was equally in love with joining me on this journey.”
“We had in fact just moved into our new home, and we got in touch with FCA. As my partner has his own birth child aged 17, we needed to keep our spare room free for him, so our journey was temporarily put on hold. Eventually, when he turned 18, FCA got back in touch, and it was at that point we took the leap.”
After giving up her job in hospitality and starting their journey in lockdown, Nina said she would never go back. Nina added: “When I started this process, I knew it was exactly what I wanted to do. I wanted to get out of my old job and start something that made a difference to a young person’s life.”
Reflecting on her current foster child, Nina shared how her first long term placement came about. Nina shared: “Initially coming to us in March 2020, he was only going to be with our family temporarily but due to unforeseen circumstances, he is now with us long term and we wouldn’t want it any other way.”
“We only had 24 hours’ notice from the boys’ social workers so I immediately went to my sister’s house to get anything I could to make up his room for when he arrived. When he did turn up to our house, he only had the clothes on his back and the first thing he said to me was ‘Hello, please could I see my room’. He has such a wonderful personality, and he has just slotted in perfectly to our family.”
Family is everything. Nina said: “We are very much a team in our family. It is not just me that does everything, we all work together. Even my own birth child who is 15 years old has been very much involved. This Christmas, he has taken on the role as big brother and has been doing ‘Elf on the Shelf’ which is lovely to see.”
Talking about the two boy’s relationship, Nina said: “It is just your typical sibling relationship, they bicker, and they make up. I think this fostering experience has taught my birth son a lot because he now realises how privileged he is. From holidays abroad every year, always getting what he wanted at Christmas and to then welcome a child into his home that had nothing. I think it was a good learning experience for him that not every child is just as privileged.”
Being able to make a positive difference and create happy memories has been one of Nina’s favourite parts of fostering. Sharing a special memory, Nina said: “We recently took the boys to a pantomime this year and my birth son was texting me throughout saying ‘look at his face’. Our foster child was truly in awe of the pantomime experience. It is all those little things that make it all so well worthwhile.”
“Another wonderful thing we have been able to do during lockdown is getting the family down to the coast. He had never been to the beach before and it was a huge moment for him. We went on Easter Sunday, it was snowing, he had his wellies on, and he just couldn’t believe what he was seeing. That is probably my favourite memory to date.”
In terms of advice for new foster parents, Nina shared: “When going into fostering, it is important to think about how your house runs and how you will incorporate a child into that. When my foster child came to me, he had no routine, but I put one in straight away. School, dinner, bath, story and then bedtime. That was introduced at the very beginning, and it has remained this way and it has worked so well for him and his progression.”
Over the course of her first year of fostering, Nina beamed about the support from FCA. Nina said: “FCA are absolutely fabulous and so supportive. You always know that someone is at the end of the phone to help with everything and anything. I am so glad we went with FCA for our fostering experience, and I can’t imagine another agency being as good as this.”
24/7 local support, excellent ongoing training and competitive allowances are just a few of the reasons why you should choose FCA for your fostering journey.
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
Fostering dropped on to Caroline’s radar at an exceptionally young age. Her father was an electrician, and throughout Caroline’s childhood he worked on the electrics at a children’s home. Caroline explains: “I can remember as clear as day my dad explaining to me that these children weren’t going back to their own homes. I was six or seven years old, and just didn’t understand it. So I asked my dad to bring all of the children home with us!”
Eight years ago, Caroline’s father sadly passed away. “It was then that I started thinking seriously about going into fostering, I wanted to do it in dad’s honour and to make him proud”, said Caroline. She continued: “On top of that, I had friends who fostered with FCA and they kept asking me why I hadn’t done it yet. So six years ago, I finally took the plunge.” Other than raising her own four children who are aged between 17 and 31, and now supporting her first grandchild, Caroline had no professional experience in working with children before she took up fostering
It was very early into Caroline’s fostering career that she took on her first respite child. Approval to start fostering came in November, and by Christmas, her second foster child had come to stay for the festive period. Caroline started: “If I am being really honest, I was very reluctant about this youung person. He was 17, and I wasn’t sure if I was able to support teenagers. But I thought: ‘no, I have to do this’. He was supposed to be spending Christmas Day and Boxing Day with his dad and grandmother, but his dad was arrested and he could no longer visit his grandmother.”
The young man in Caroline’s care told her not to worry, and that he would be able to sleep on a friend’s sofa for the nights he was supposed to be away. “I told him absolutely not, in no world would he be going anywhere else for Christmas! So he stayed with me, and my family, which was lovely because two of my kids were of a similar age at the time”, said Caroline. “His mum had died when he was really young, and I learnt that he had never had a proper Christmas. He had never had Christmas dinner in his life. He had never had a Christmas tree put up at home. And when we gave him gifts in the morning, he cried”, Caroline recalls.
That first Christmas that Caroline and her family spent with a foster child made a lasting impression on her and her children, and they are all in agreement that it was the best Christmas they have ever had. They spent their day playing board games, eating Christmas dinner and just spending time together as a family. Caroline said: “That young man, who was my second ever foster placement defied all expectations, and changed my Christmases forever. Spending time with him for those two weeks, and especially Christmas Day, made my family and I realise what was important, it was a big reality check.”
Caroline describes the relationship she built with the young man as great, even though he only stayed with her for a few weeks. When he stayed in Caroline’s care, six years ago, the young man had a girlfriend. The girlfriend’s father didn’t approve of the relationship because he was a looked after child. Caroline said: “It’s amazing you know. He is still with the same girl from school, and now he has two children of his own. He brought them round recently and told me that he is going to give his children the same Christmas that he had when he spent that time with us. He regularly stays in touch and keeps me updated, and even brings me a card and chocolates on Mother’s Day. Saying yes that first Christmas honestly changed my life forever. I’ve gained a son, and there’s not a Christmas that goes by where I don’t hear from him and his family.” It changed my family and I so much. We talk about it every year and imagine him now with his children and think about the impact that Christmas had on him and us”, Caroline shared.
Caroline has lots of inspirational stories from fostering over Christmas, and has supported ‘cheeky little two year olds’, ‘mums and babies who needed extra support’ and ‘teenagers who are on the cusp of adulthood’. “I think that everyone should consider opening their homes up over Christmas.”
Whilst Caroline loves fostering over Christmas and seeing the difference it can make to foster children in her care, she shared one top tip: “As a foster parent you are opening your home up 365 days per year, more than that even! But Christmas is always regarded as family time. Whilst it’s important to make space where you can for children who need support, it’s just as important that your own family is okay with it. So at Christmas time I call my kids, and check with the ones who still live with me to make sure everyone is alright. You have to consider their opinions too.”
Throughout her fostering career, Caroline has learnt a lot. She loves fostering teenagers, although at the start she didn’t think that would be the case. “I would say that you definitely shouldn’t rule any age out. Anyone will take on a cute, little child, but teenagers really need your support. People think they don’t want drama, but they are brilliant and full of such personality. You are really sculpting their future lives at this point.” said Caroline.
Having done her fair share of long-term and respite fostering, Caroline thinks that all foster parents should start off with respite fostering. “There are lots of great things about respite placements” she said, “By taking on a few respite placements, you really get to grips with what it’s like to be a foster parent, and learn what type of placement may suit you a long-term basis. Plus you get to do lots of fun stuff, as you can be like a holiday destination for that child. And when you bring Christmas into the mix, it just fills respite placements with even more joy.”
Caroline loves her role as a foster parent, but says it is not without its difficulties. “You go through so many emotions when you do this job and it can also be hard when you meet your foster child’s relatives and you can start to see all of the reasons why that young person needs the support that they do. But that’s why we do what we do, to make that difference”, she said.
About being a foster parent, Caroline said: “I am going to carry on supporting these children for as long as I can. Without a doubt, these children make our lives better. The rewards are so small, but make such a difference. The little girl I have with me now, who will spend this Christmas with me, just told me she loves me for the first time. She knows I’m not her mum, but she knows I look after her like a mum.”
Caroline’s message to foster parents who are considering offering their home to a child or young person over Christmas is: “Don’t be put off. In my case, they have made my Christmas, and made my Christmases forever. I can see the difference that this special time of year makes to young people, and it is absolutely worth it.”
We provide several types of fostering to ensure we meet each child and young person’s requirements and match the foster children with the best type of foster home for their situation. Some children and young people may just need fostering for a few nights, while others need a more permanent family environment.
Welcome a child or young people who need to be looked after in temporary basics anywhere between 1 or 2 nights, a few weeks or months.
This is where you invite a child into your home on a long term basis, providing a stable family home to a child for many years.
Where a parent often a mother and their baby, comes to stay with you. Usually last for last around 12 weeks.
Respite foster parents care for a child on a very short term basis; anything from a couple of days to a couple of weeks.
24/7 local support, excellent ongoing training and competitive allowances are just a few of the reasons why you should choose FCA for your fostering journey.
Sharing five children between the two, Sharon said: “I think it was always something I wanted to do but once the children had grown up and left home, we naturally had more space. At that point fostering was in the media a lot, so for us it kept coming to the forefront of our minds. After looking around for fostering agencies in Wales and once we spoke to FCA, it just seemed like the perfect fit for us.”
Both now retired and fostering being their full-time career, the couple have fostered over 50 children in their time with a range of short-term, long term and emergency placement experience under their belt.
The couple expressed that parent and child placements had taken them by a pleasant surprise. Sharon added: “Once they settle in and you form a relationship on a trusting basis, it makes it a lot easier. You just need to try to make them feel welcome and a part of the family. A key part with parent and child placements is allowing the mum to feel she has got control of looking after her own baby and we are just in the background for help if and when they need it.
“We are still in touch with our last placement which was parent and child, and she still sends us photos which has been lovely.”
Reflecting on one of the many joys of fostering, the couple shared it was being a part of a young person’s journey. Sharon added: “For our first long term foster placement, we welcomed a three and half year old who we saw straight through to adoption.”
Robert shared: “When he first came to us he was wetting the bed and was emotionally traumatised, but overtime, he has grown into a lovely young boy who has his trust and childhood back. Although he is no longer with us, we have kept in touch and met the adoptive family. We always get birthday and Christmas cards which has been lovely as they are a part of our family.”
For the couple, while fostering has its challenges, it is also very rewarding. Reflecting on one placement, Robert shared: “We cared for one girl who went off to Cambridge University to study Law. To this day, she often comes back and forth and stays at our home which is lovely as we have seen her turn her life around and it is a joy to be a part of.”
Where there are highs, there are also lows. For the couple, adjusting to the difficult side of fostering was one of their biggest challenges. Sharon shared: “Early on in the beginning of our fostering days, our trust had been broken which was a difficult time for us.
“The impact of that placement made us consider if fostering was right for us but after some soul searching and amazing support from FCA, we stuck at it and we are here to tell the tale.”
Rob added: “The support you get from FCA is second to none. The care is good, the social workers are fantastic, even right through to management it is great. It has been a lovely place to work for over the years.”
For those considering fostering, Rob said: “Go for it. I think the Journey to Foster training is definitely worth it for anyone who has doubts. Go and ask questions as this will help you decide whether to take that next step or not.”
Sharon added: “You have to use the resources that are available to you. Don’t be afraid to pick up the phone. I have attended plenty of foster carer support groups and made lots of friends who have helped me in so many ways.”
Robert said: “The first few years are the most challenging but that is simply because you are learning. Even to this day I am still learning because every child is different. The thing we do from the minute our children walk through the door is to clearly communicate with them. So many of children in care have lost their childhood years so we want to work out how we can help them the best we can.”
Sharon added: “After 10 and a half years, we are still learning. Over the years, we have been Ambassadors for FCA, and Rob was even a Carer Rep so there are many different options to take to see if the fostering journey is for you.”
24/7 local support, excellent ongoing training and competitive allowances are just a few of the reasons why you should choose FCA for your fostering journey.
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
“There are moments when he does something that stops me dead in my tracks and I am in awe of him”
Single foster parent, Lynne shares her fostering experience over the past two decades.
Over twenty years ago in 1993, Lynne and her partner Phil embarked on a new walk of life within fostering which has led her to become one of FCA’s longest fostering parents.
Sharing two birth children, Lynne said, “We both wanted more children, but we knew it wasn’t going to happen naturally so after our two children we looked to start fostering.
“Over the course of five years, we looked after around 13 children with the Local Authority. One day Phil came across a FCA advert in the paper and at this time we had just said goodbye to our latest child. We rang and requested a brochure, we were shocked at the amount of support that FCA offered. In 1998 we were approved, and the rest has been history.”
The couple continued to foster for another 17 years, but in 2015 Phil sadly passed away due to a brain tumour. “He was so resilient and because of this, there was a local award actually named after him that goes towards children in Wales who show the most resilience. The children who win the awards are honestly so fitting and I know Phil would be immensely proud.
“I would not be where I am without FCA. All the way through Phil’s illness, FCA helped support us and even gifted us a weekend away in a beautiful spa hotel without the children. We knew the inevitable was going to happen so that was a lovely time for just us two.”
Adapting to life as a single parent, Lynne shared her experience from the past six years. “I resisted for a long time after Phil passed as I didn’t want to change what I was doing so I became a single carer.
“It is very different being a single foster carer and can be challenging at times. We recognised this and at FCA we actually set-up a single carers support group. We found that all us single parents go to the support groups, but it was quite couple focused, so we thought we’d create our own one to share our own experiences.
“You have to change your way of life. I can barely go for a shower alone, but we turn it into fun. In these conversations, we can share experiences and advice which has really helped each other. It is very different to fostering with a partner because you can’t just take turns in who will look after the child. It is a 24-7 job.”
In her two decades of fostering, there have been countless memorable and rewarding moments. Sharing one of her most recent rewarding moments, Lynne said it has to be seeing the wonderful impact she has had on her current foster child, Harry*, who was diagnosed with autism at three years old.
“When Harry* arrived the day before Christmas Eve, he was very traumatised, non-verbal, non-communicative and suffered from double incontinence. As a single parent, it was extremely stressful but FCA has been very supportive and encouraging.
“It took three weeks to get him into our local specialist school which did offer some respite. He was taking medication to help him sleep but he woke in the night. His diet was very limited and due to his speech, he couldn’t tell me what he wanted.
“Fast forward 6 months to now, he is talking and actually using sentences. I can hear myself in him when he speaks and maybe not the full structure of a six-year-old but still unbelievable progress. He tells me very clearly what he would like, and he is so funny. He is not on medication and he goes to bed with a good routine and sleeps through and uses the loo for everything.”
With a diploma in both Autism and Understanding Autism, Lynne has now had Harry* in her care for 15 months and shares her advice on fostering autistic children. “He is very demanding so his behaviour needs managing, he will always need a specialist education setting and he will always have difficulty when out of his comfort zone, but he will always be delightful. I can truly say he brings me and everyone he meets so much joy.
“As a single parent, caring for a child with Autism can be challenging at times and there often isn’t anyone else in the house, so my advice is don’t sit there, seek help. FCA are a family so talk to the team manager, they are always there to help you if you are struggling or need guidance.”
Reflecting on her fostering experience under the pressures of a pandemic, Lynne explains there has been a silver lining: “When COVID first struck, we did struggle at home. After a few weeks Harry* was in full time as a vulnerable young person.
“He returned to school in September a different child. The school even commented on his huge progress and even moved him up a class. Having the holidays meant I could work with him on his communication. I toilet trained him in three weeks so he could go to school out of nappies during the day and his speech really improved.
“During the pandemic we have spent so much more time together. I have been able to give Harry* new experiences. Last Summer we managed to get to Blackpool, and we did so many wonderful things. We took trips up and down the Promenade in a pink carriage, Harry* loves pink so we stayed in a pink hotel and took a tram ride. We loved it.
For those looking to become foster parents, Lynne said from experience, “Go and do Journey to Foster. You can meet and speak to so many other foster carers. Asking questions is honestly the best way to find out if fostering is for you.”
24/7 local support, Excellent ongoing training and competitive allowances are just a few of the reasons why you should choose FCA for your fostering journey.
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
The best question to ask yourself is not “why should you foster a parent and child”, but “why not?”
We have been fostering with FCA for 17 years and during that time we have had the pleasure of taking on 9 parent and child placements. Don’t get me wrong…it was initially a big step to take; firstly because we weren’t sure what it would be like for our two sons (and my husband!!) having another woman in the house all day every day; another adult sharing the bathroom; how our sons would cope with the paraphernalia and noise of having a baby in the house; and the ending of when the parent moves on with or without their baby and your house suddenly becomes very quiet, but it is probably the best big step we have ever taken!
I can honestly say it’s possibly one of the most rewarding experiences you can have, teaching a new parent or a parent who has had multiple children, how to bond and attach to their baby/child, watching how they grow together, the good times, the memories and at times sadly how the parent copes if things don’t work out the way they wanted them to.
Through all of this, you need to be understanding, caring, and empathic, have a sense of humour, be resilient…all the words we hear all the time that help us become good carers. You need to ensure your recordings are accurate, detailed and factual (not opinion), as in many cases where the baby or child may be removed, your recordings can and do get used as evidence in court. In reality, it’s hard work getting up throughout the night to watch how the parent feeds and bonds with their baby, to remain professional when the parent is crying because they feel they can’t cope, trying not to put your own values onto the parent and allowing them to be the person they are and live within their own culture; especially if their family values are completely different to yours. But no matter how hard it is, it is the most rewarding too.
Our first mother and baby foster care placement was a mixture of amazing through to overwhelmingly sad. The mum, aged 19, had multiple learning difficulties caused by chromosomal abnormalities. She didn’t know 4 hours was 4 hours or even how she fell pregnant, but she was kind, gentle, loving and bonded and attached to her baby; doing everything she could to ensure her baby got the best start possible. As she didn’t understand time, we taught her to set her phone alarm to go off every 4 hours so that she knew her baby would soon need a feed. This worked so well in fact that the baby was sleeping through the night within 6 weeks. It was wonderful to watch the bond grow but equally, it was sad knowing the plan would probably be adoption due to the parent’s needs and parallel planning.
Sadly after 12 weeks, we were asked to take the mum and her baby to the social services office as the baby was going to be adopted and move to new carers. We were told not to say anything at that point to the mother and naively we didn’t. It was the saddest and most upsetting experience we had encountered during our fostering career to watch them be split up in a car park miles from nowhere and something I swore I would never do again. In my opinion, this vulnerable young mum had the right to say goodbye, the right to give her baby something to remember her by, the right to a better ending, but it was all taken away from her. And there was very little she could do.
Our next few parent and child placements ironically had the first same name as our first mum. Each placement lasted 12 weeks, which is normally the case with parent and child. As with any new placement, you learn from your experiences and likewise you use a different set of skills to best meet the needs of that placement, ensuring you can give them the best guidance possible.
Our second parent and child was aged in her 30’s. She had 3 daughters in the care system already and this was her first son. She was a recovering drug addict whose baby was also a drug withdrawing baby. Each and every day at 10.30am the baby would let out a piercing screech, cry and shake. This was hard to watch as there was nothing we could do except hold him and comfort him. This lasted for several weeks, but again the mum tried hard, trying to bond and attach to her newborn son, taking on board the advice we gave and help we gave her.
The local authority planned to end the placement in late November, but we advocated for them to be able to spend Christmas together resulting in them staying for longer than the 12 weeks. Although it took some negotiating, we were pleased our voice was listened to and they were able to have their first Christmas together with us.
Again, sadly in January, the placement ended and baby B was adopted as it was felt the baby’s needs could not be met. However, amazingly 14 years later (my son’s 18th birthday), whilst we were looking through old photos of when our sons were little, his partner recognised “the lady in the photo”. It later emerged she was a friend of his family so we agreed to get in touch via social media. My concern was I didn’t want to drag up old memories, but on contacting her she said it was the best thing we could have done. She remembered every single gift we had bought her and her son that Christmas, the care and commitment we had shown to enable them to have Christmas together and that it was from being given the chance to try to keep her son that she chose to make significant life changes. Within a year she was clean from all drugs and alcohol. She got a job and for the first time, she felt life was worth living for. Shortly afterwards she met a new partner, bought a house and happily went on to have 3 more children which she kept. She still has letterbox contact with B and she thanked us for helping her realise there was more to life and for believing in her. This in itself was priceless and something we will always remember.
Many of our “mums” have had learning difficulties, but there is always a way to get around these difficulties to enable them to care, bond and attach to their new babies. You just have to be able to “think outside the box”. Introducing charts so they could see routines in picture formats or showing them. Finding out what their learning style is to best meet their needs. All things we take for granted sometimes. And they weren’t all young mums either, ranging in age from 17 to 36 years old and one dad in his 20’s with his 2-year-old son.
One of the “mums” we had came to us pregnant aged 17. We knew she was easily sexually exploited and on later findings, we discovered she was extremely vulnerable. We also discovered the same male name who was exploiting her had also exploited a previous placement of ours, so the police were informed as a serial groomer. This young mum told us we were her 53rd placement in 10 years and this was confirmed by the social work team. At times placements would only last a matter of days before she broke them down or as she said, “they gave up on me!” I, therefore, promised her, no matter how bad her behaviour was, we would not give up on her as we believed in giving her a chance. I’m not sure she believed me at that point but suffice to say we were her longest placement of almost 7 months. She only left to go into supported lodgings aged 18.
‘T’ was adamant that her “boyfriend” would be her birthing partner and although there were major concerns for her whereabouts at times, she always came “home”, which she described as “the place she could trust”. She went into labour in my tiny toilet and after a frantic rush to the hospital, she asked me to remain throughout. I wanted to remain with her but equally knew I needed permission to stay from her social worker and FCA as she wouldn’t be clothed. Once permission was granted, I remained with her giving support, helping her through her labour and cutting the baby’s cord. I’m not sure who cried more; me or her!
Again, sadly due to the extremely high risk of the “boyfriend” turning up the hospital was placed in lockdown. We had initially been told that due to the risk of neglect and possible harm, the mum would not be keeping her newborn son, but would be allowed to spend a couple of days with him in hospital. However, in reality he was whisked away after only 7 hours. Luckily, I had taken alot of photos of them together ready for life story work. The hardest part was seeing how distraught the young mum was, the feeling of helplessness, yet still needing to remain professional, knowing the police were outside the door waiting.
Understandably, she didn’t want to hand the baby over to the social worker or police but after, what seemed like a life time, she agreed I could take him and hand him over. No matter how much training you receive and how good you are at “keeping it together”, nothing prepares you for such an emotional roller coaster of feelings. Even now it brings tears to my eyes.
Since then, we have had several more parent and child placements. One of which was a recovering alcoholic. It is all too easy to make snap judgements on someone, which I am sure we have all been guilty of. This was possibly the case with ‘C’ having known what local authorities have removed children for before. However, in my opinion, C was different. She had very low self-esteem and would always dwell on the one negative comment in the recording sheet over the endless positive comments. She found it hard to trust others but with time, commitment and a good pinch of humour, she came to realise how much of a good mum she was, albeit when she wasn’t drinking! She too already had one daughter in care but we made her realise she could remain sober and dry and she could make a huge difference in the life of her baby son. Through determination on her part, support from us and a belief she was worthy, C went on and remained dry and kept her son. She now runs her own AA group and is doing really well with both of her children.
Next was a mum and her 2-year-old. This involved us having covert cameras installed by the police and a panic button due to an incident her family were involved with. The young mum herself and her son were an absolute pleasure to care for. In this instance, the father was also fighting for custody of the little boy and once it was deemed that the mum was unable to meet all of her son’s needs, she then moved out leaving us with her son. A short while later, we then had the dad move in which was a successful ending to an amazing journey for this little boy.
So, where does this end? We have been so priveledged to have been given the chance to make a difference to so many parent and child placements. Looking back over the last 17 years, we feel there was less impact on our own sons fostering such placements as there was no conflict over sharing toys etc and the parents learnt from watching us with our own sons. As our sons have become older, parent and child placements have continued to work well in our household and it has almost meant we can take on the more challenging parent and child.
We are now looking forward to our next new placement having said goodbye recently to two wonderful young children…not that we know who it will be. So, if you feel this is the right time to try something new within fostering, why not give a chance to a parent and child. After all, you can and will make a difference!!
The Warren family
24/7 local support, Excellent ongoing training and competitive allowances are just a few of the reasons why you should choose us FCA for your fostering journey.
Call a member of our friendly fostering team and they’ll be able to answer all your questions
Email our team by completing our online enquiry form
Have a chat with one of our dedicated fostering professionals
We are always happy for you to pop in for a chat
If you were asked what you were doing on Wednesday 15th November 2000, many would say “I can’t remember that far back!” However, if we asked you how you felt or what you remember about the day you went to panel, you would most probably know every tiny detail down to what you were wearing.
Well, for the Warren family, we remember everything about that date, as that is the day we sat nervously waiting outside a door, wondering what lay ahead of us, what questions we were going to be asked by a panel of strangers, would our own sons accept any new children and most importantly would we make good foster parents.
If we are totally honest, we don’t know what was more nerve wracking; going to panel and waiting for their response, and finally hearing “yes we are pleased to say you are foster parents!” or on December 1st 2000 when we said yes to our first foster placement.
What we can say, is that almost 20 years later, getting to know five new offices and seven supervising social workers, we are still fostering in the South East with FCA and we have had the most amazing journey of our lives; full of ups and downs, tears (both happy and sad), moments of despair, magical moments that take your breath away and had the privilege of meeting and caring for 46 amazing babies, children, young persons and adults, all of whom have needed a stable, caring environment to be able to thrive. We initially did respite for eight weeks, mainly to enable us to see how our own sons coped as they were only little, aged almost three and almost six years of age. However, we very quickly realised that we wanted to foster full time and shortly afterwards took on our first parent and child placement. In total, we have cared for 14 parent and child placements, one of which was a brief father and child placement who went on to keep his child.
Each child we have cared for, have had their own stories to tell, stories at times of despair, lack of love and attention, abuse and a feeling of not being wanted or listened to. However, with time, patience, a sense of humour (which is a must in the caring profession!!), routine and boundaries and achievable goal setting, most children will start to feel safe and secure again and start to turn their lives around. Throughout the whole of our fostering lives, we have found the hardest part about it is when we have to let go and say goodbye. Several children and young people stick in our minds and Christmas 2015 was one of those times. Whilst sorting through our youngest son’s baby photos ready for his 18th birthday, his partner commented that he thought he knew the “lady in the photo”. Initially, we felt this wasn’t possible as she was our second parent and child placement, however, it quickly became apparent that he did know her and that she was friends with his family. What a small world!! Although nervous about contacting her, we agreed it would be good to see how she was and through the power of social media we “spoke” again. T (the mum), explained that she now had three more beautiful children (three previous children were in care and the fourth was adopted) and was happily married. However, for us the most magical thing was what she said next; “Had you not given me the strength to carry on and believed in me, then I wouldn’t be where I am today. I remember every tiny bit of Christmas that year, the gifts you gave me (a mobile phone) and all the gifts you gave my son. I know I didn’t get to keep him, but we have letterbox contact once a year and he’s doing well. My life changed for the better and it was being in your foster care that made me realise I needed to change. Thank you!” As you can probably imagine, I was blubbing at this point, knowing that the small but significant time we cared for them both had made such a difference.
Equally, we had the pleasure of caring for two amazing and wonderful young children for three and half years from January 2011 until August 2014. They finally went on to find their own forever family, but the memories of all the time we cared for them remain with us all the time. Shortly after we started to care for J, we had a call from her school, and as any foster carer knows, a school phone call can mean anything! However, the headteacher rang to say that on that particular day she was sat in her office when she could hear a child singing, but not a child she recognised by voice alone. On looking out of her office door she saw a happy four-year-old skipping down the corridor, singing and smiling without a care in the world; yet six months previous she was a quiet child who never spoke, someone who hid during school performances and someone who certainly never skipped! All things we took for granted with our own children, but something hugely significant in this little girl’s life. Through the support our whole family gave her and the input our own sons gave, she slowly started to become a confident, happy child who loved to dance, something which our own son had taught her to do and continued to encourage through dance classes. After only 18 months of being in our care she had grown so much in confidence that she felt able to perform in her first dance show in a local theatre, dancing in front of over 300 people. An amazing achievement!
We have been extremely privileged to have been able to stay in touch with these two children and their adoptive parents have been amazing. In June 2019, aged 12 and 8, the children were bridesmaids and page boy at our eldest son’s wedding.
Likewise, our longest placement of five and a half years, was the usher and is someone who we still see regularly and who has become part of our extended family. He too has made us feel so proud at what he has achieved, from being a young person who was always in trouble, to an amazing young man who has recently become “young entrepreneur of the year” and allowed me to be his guest at his award ceremony.
Recently, we have had the pleasure of caring for another amazing parent, baby and toddler. At the beginning of their time with us, R aged two only knew one word, spending a lot of his time frustrated and pointing at what he wanted. Today, aged two years five months and having lived with us for five months, he can say 76 words and is beginning to put two words together, helping him communicate and become less frustrated. Again, another proud moment and an amazing achievement for him!
All the children and parent/child placements hold special stories for us all in different ways. Stories where at times we have wanted to give up but realised we needed to keep going, which in turn have shown the young people in our care the importance of persistence and taking “the rough with the smooth”. There have been times when we have laughed so much that to this day it still makes us giggle and smile, times when we felt elated at watching the child or young person achieve something they felt they would never do…the memories are not only priceless but endless!
Of course, all of the knowledge we have gained to enable us to help these young people has come from not only being a mum and dad to our own children, but from our life experiences and the comprehensive training package that we have accessed throughout fostering with FCA, both face to face training and online. Our experience has been further enhanced with the help of the young people, teaching us what it is like “in their shoes” and as they put it, “like us kids in care”.
Over the past 20 years, we have definitely fostered as a family, each one of us bringing different skills and abilities to each and every young person in our care. As part of this journey, our youngest son was awarded the Foster Talk Young person foster carer award in 2016. An immensely proud moment for any parent to watch, but also a measure of the positive impact fostering has had on all our lives. And although our own sons have grown up and moved out, one having just finished his dance degree at university and the other having got married, they are still very much part of the fostering role.
As with any career, no one can predict what will happen in the future, which has become even more apparent in recent months with the Corona Virus and being in lockdown. However, for now, we continue to enjoy fostering and the new challenges, experiences and joys that each and every day brings and will hopefully continue to bring.
24/7 local support, Excellent ongoing training and competitive allowances are just a few of the reasons why you should choose us FCA for your fostering journey.
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