“I’ve attended many of the support groups and regional events hosted by FCA which are brilliant.”

Following the information session I spoke to FCA’s enquiry line and had a really detailed conversation where the team answered all my questions. We then began the assessment process and by July 2023, we were approved as foster parents. A couple of months later, we welcomed our first foster children, six and nine year old siblings, who are still with us now.’

Recalling the phone call from FCA saying they had been matched with two children, Danielle says “we were really excited. Like I said, I’m super organised, so I was just making lists of what I needed and making sure that I had everything taken of. We were a little apprehensive obviously because it was going into the unknown especially for us as we haven’t had children before. But we were super excited and we felt like it was a really good match. I made up a little welcome basket for the children just some basics hairbrush, toothpaste, toothbrush, some pants, socks, a towel, colouring books, pencil case and as it was summer a hat too.’

“The children arrived on a school night, so it was a bit of a rush, seeing the social worker, giving the children their tea and settling them in. But they settled relatively well. We showed them around the house and made them aware that if they needed us in the night, they could knock on the door. We also told them not to pick the dogs up, things like that. But we were really conscious not to overload them with too much information. It was obviously quite a busy transition for them. We were led by them and what they wanted to see what they wanted to do, whether they had any worries or anything they wanted to talk about, or if they were upset.”

“In the morning, we were on the school run, so we hit the ground running. We didn’t really get a period where we all decompressed and had like five minutes to just sit down and take stock. It was a bit like jumping on the hamster wheel, and it just carried on running really.’

”Our passion is to break those negative parenting habits that we probably had 20 years ago and realise that this isn’t how things are done anymore and to learn how to deal with neuro diverse children, how to effectively support traumatised children and implement a therapeutic parenting model. I have done a lot of the training and courses offered by FCA around neurodiversity and sensory to give us knowledge and tips as our youngest child has additional needs. We have learnt what his cues are as he can’t identify what his needs are or how he feels particularly if he needs to go to the toilet, he’ll often say no, but obviously now we know him we recognise when he does need the toilet. At home we’ve put in place sensory toys and have the calm corner so we go there just to try and reflect and calm down. I think now we’ve used that for so long he he’ll now say, oh, Danielle, I am calm now or I feel better now or so he’ll be able to kind of regulate himself. Having the dogs around creates a calming environment. I think they are a distraction when he’s feeling a bit sad or anxious. Both of which has been a massive tool for us all.”

“His sister can get upset if her brother is struggling, so for her, it’s a bit of a fight-or-flight response. She knows that her brother has additional needs, and we just try to explain to her that he needs extra help and he just needs assistance in working through his feelings and how to deal with them. So, I think the more we’ve informed her about what’s going on, the easier she finds it to navigate her way through those issues with him.”

“Fostering does come with challenges, sometimes not quite what you expect, such as transport issues and the level of parental responsibility delegated to us and not being able to choose the school the children attend but that’s the nature of it. Also it is about advocating with professional organisations for our children they don’t know the children as well as we do and we don’t always agree with their decisions. I navigate this by following things up and documenting thoroughly, ensuring I record and report everything accurately and promptly. This will also help to build a clear picture for our children when they read the recordings about their life.”

“I’ve attended many of the support groups and regional events hosted by FCA, and I think the support groups are brilliant. More people should use them, as I don’t believe they are utilised enough by foster parents. They’re really interesting and provide a great opportunity for everyone to share their experiences and frustrations, reassuring you that you’re not alone. My mother-in-law is our support person. She will have the children for us and help and we also have respite from a local foster parent. She’s been a massive support to me, just somebody to listen who understands the children as well because she’s had them.”

Looking back over their fostering journey, Danielle talks about her best moments so far. ‘Probably seeing the children progress in their swimming groups, attending their parents’ evenings and hearing how well they’re doing and just watching them grow as individuals and navigate who they are in the world. We try to make it as easy as possible for them. Seeing them become more independent and more expressive of their feelings has been a major affirmation of why we’re doing this.”

Talking about her advice to new foster parents Danielle said “my advice would be not to become complacent with tasks like recording, as you might need them later on. Don’t just think I don’t really need to record or report that. It’s important; it all contributes to building a bigger picture.”

“Also, don’t enter this with any expectations. I come from a business background, so I had certain expectations of how things would be done, but that’s not necessarily how it works. It’s about being open-minded and having no expectations.”

And her advice to anyone considering fostering, Danielle said to ring FCA’s enquiry line. “If there are any issues worries or queries you have initially ask them because the team will be able to answer them for you, and it might help you make a decision.”