What makes a great foster parent: Lesley’s Story

The power of empathy

Lesley’s personal experiences were far from the hindrance she worried they might be in her fostering journey. In fact, Lesley uses her own experiences to inform the way she helps the children and young people in her care. She said: “I’d worried that the challenges I’d faced growing up might make me unsuitable to be a foster parent, but in truth it’s been the opposite. I have a lot of empathy for the experiences of the children I care for, and I understand how they feel about certain things. It’s really all about being able to put yourself in their shoes. My own experiences have helped me to understand how some things are just not important to a child when they’re going through something traumatic. You can’t expect them to do well in school and have great manners, because all their energy is being consumed by trying to navigate through so much trauma.”

Lesley champions therapeutic parenting as a great way to connect with young people. She said: “I’m a big believer in a therapeutic, gentle approach to parenting. When a child’s behaviour is challenging, they aren’t trying to hurt you. It’s really not about the foster parents, it’s about what they’re going through. They don’t want to upset you. They don’t want to break the rules. They’re just really struggling and need extra support.”

Lifelong connections

Lesley has made many lifelong connections with the children she has cared for over the years. Her relationship with her youngest son, who is now an integral part of the family, is particularly significant. “My son came to me as a fostering emergency when he was just five months old. Initially this was only meant to be for a very short period of time. I vividly remember picking him up one day and singing ‘You are my Sunshine’ to him. He was looking up at me, just looking up into my eyes while I sang to him, and there was this instant love. My husband and I adopted him when he was 20 months old, and our family has been growing stronger together ever since.”

Though Lesley has provided many different types of foster care over the years, she specialises in fostering teenagers. She is currently caring for three young people, with the eldest staying with her in a ‘When I am ready’ arrangement.

“I feel like my strengths lie in caring for teenagers,” Lesley said. “I feel like my husband and I can really communicate with them. They’re also less taxing physically than younger children are which is something to consider as you get a bit older, and you can really have a laugh together and help these kids at a critical time. I keep in touch with lots of the kids we’ve cared for, including our first ever foster child, who has a great relationship with my son. Another young man who I looked after comes to visit every Christmas, which is just lovely. He says, ‘I can’t believe I didn’t want to live with you, and now I’d give anything to be back!’

Lessons from fostering

With over 20 years of fostering experience, Lesley has some fantastic advice for potential foster parents. She said: “Advice I’d give to new foster parents is this: firstly, pick your battles. Secondly, try and have a sense of humour, and don’t take things personally. Thirdly, be there for the child. Show them that you’re always on their side, and that you’ll be there to pick up the pieces when they do make mistakes. Don’t give up on them. Some kids have been rejected by everyone in their life, and it takes time for them to trust and feel safe with you. Show them that, no matter what happens, you’re still going to be there for them. That’s what makes a great foster parent.”

Fostering is an absolute roller coaster of emotions, and to be honest, there are probably as many low moments as there are high. That’s something to be prepared for if you’re considering fostering. You have to have inner strength. As a whole, dedicating my life to fostering has been really rewarding. I feel very, very lucky to do this work. I get emotional just thinking about it! I love what I do, and I feel proud of myself for doing it. I know teenage me would be so proud of what we’ve achieved.

Could you foster?

Lesley is a real shining light in our community, and we’re so inspired by her story and by all the foster parents just like her working hard each day to help children thrive.  Are you inspired by Lesley’s story and considering becoming a foster parent? If you’re interested in fostering, we’d love to hear from you. Enquire with us today to learn more, or read more stories from real-life foster parents about their experiences.